Lucy Turnbull Photography » Happy and unaffected reportage wedding photography from a world-class tea drinker covering UK, Europe and further afield.

on being shy

Yesterday I uploaded a post about Thursday’s trip to London for the Rock n Roll Bride’s party.

Whilst I had a very nice evening indeed I’m a more than a little annoyed with myself as I failed to network or engage with anyone in any meaningful way as IT is back. That ole buggerance that’s been following me quietly my whole life – the being shy.

People who know me probably wouldn’t know how massively it can affect me – unless they know me extremely well, that is. I find myself totally unable to engage with my peers as I know when I open my mouth absolutely nothing of interest will come bubbling out. And so I keep my mouth closed. I smile and nod. I stuff my nose into my g and t all the while begging the floor to swallow me up.

I’m 36 and I feel like it’s my first day at a new school.

Now, normally it doesn’t really matter. I’ve built my life to allow for it. Even the way I shoot is designed around it. It’s okay.

What isn’t okay is the fact it makes me look stuck up and disinterested which is crazy because I LOVE people and I LOVE meeting new people (that’s the crazy right there – see?).

“Lucinda struggles to engage with large groups”.

And so, instead of photos of me having fun with my shiny new friends I came home with pictures of light bulbs. Seriously cool light bulbs I’ll admit but light bulbs none the less.

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  • Linz - It doesn’t make you look stuck up hon, just shy xReplyCancel

  • charlotte - I really liked reading this, it reminded me of us in yr 3 when I sat next to you in class on the back row. I think i have some of your doodles on my pencil case from those days. I think its interesting how at least I find it really quite hard to get away from who I really am no matter how much I wish I were different or could change what I see as flaws. But its like dressing – if you have a big butt it’s a good idea to emphasize your waist (or whatever the good bit is), right?ReplyCancel

  • Sue D - Good Lord, I could have written that entry. I completely comprehend every word. The claustrophobia of shyness… you know it’s there, you know you’re the only person who can gain control of it yet it grips and stifles all the same. There are plenty of us out there, reaching out for another G & T to keep our hands busy and numb the inner panic 😛ReplyCancel

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